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Eminem

The Real Slim Shady – Eminem

[Eminem]
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We’re gonna have a problem here..

Y’all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
and started whoopin her ass worse than before
they first were divorce, throwin her over furniture (Ahh!)
It’s the return of the… “Ah, wait, no way, you’re kidding,
he didn’t just say what I think he did, did he?”
And Dr. Dre said… nothing you idiots!
Dr. Dre’s dead, he’s locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
Feminist women love Eminem
[*vocal turntable: chigga chigga chigga*]
“Slim Shady, I’m sick of him
Look at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what
Flippin the you-know-who,” “Yeah, but he’s so cute though!”
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what’s goin on in your parents’ bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can’t
but it’s cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
“My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips”
And if I’m lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that’s the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman’s clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel don’t they?
“We ain’t nothing but mammals..” Well, some of us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes [*SLURP*]
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
then there’s no reason that a man and another man can’t elope
[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

READ  My Name Is (Bootleg Version) - Eminem

[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]

I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won’t the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

[Eminem]
Will Smith don’t gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records;
well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can’t even stomach me, let alone stand me
“But Slim, what if you win, wouldn’t it be weird?”
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
and hear ’em argue over who she gave head to first
You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV
“Yeah, he’s cute, but I think he’s married to Kim, hee-hee!”
I should download her audio on MP3
and show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [*AHHH!*]
I’m sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
so I have been sent here to destroy you [*bzzzt*]
And there’s a million of us just like me
who cuss like me; who just don’t give a fuck like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
I’m like a head trip to listen to, cause I’m only givin you
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
in front of y’all and I don’t gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
It’s funny; cause at the rate I’m goin when I’m thirty
I’ll be the only person in the nursin home flirting
Pinchin nurses asses when I’m jackin off with Jergens
And I’m jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn’t working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin
He could be workin at Burger King, spittin on your onion rings
[*HACH*] Or in the parkin lot, circling
Screaming “I don’t give a fuck!”
with his windows down and his system up
So, will the real Shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

READ  Guilty Conscience - Eminem

[Chorus 2X]

[Eminem]
Ha ha
Guess there’s a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it, let’s all stand up

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Eminem

Cleanin Out My Closet – Eminem

Where’s my snare, I have no snare in my headphones, there ya’ go, yeah, yo’, yo’…

Have you ever been hated or discriminated against, I have, i’ve been protested and demonstrated
against, picket signs for my wicked rhymes, look at the times, sick is the mind of the
motherfuckin’ kid that’s behind, all this commotion, emotions run deep as ocean’s explodin’,
tempers flaring from parents, just blow ’em off and keep goin’, not takin’ nothin’ from no one,
give ’em hell long as i’m breathin’, keep kickin’ ass in the mornin’, an’ takin’ names in the
evening, leave ’em with a taste as sour as vinegar in they mouth, see they can trigger me but
they’ll never figure me out, look at me now, I bet ya’ probably sick of me now, ain’t you mama,
i’ma make you look so ridiculous now…

[CHORUS]

I’m sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight i’m
cleanin’ out my closet, {one more time}, I said i’m sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I
never meant to make you cry, but tonight i’m cleanin’ out my closet…

I got some skeletons in my closet and I don’t know if no one knows it, so before they thrown me
inside my coffin and close it, i’ma expose it, i’ll take you back to ’73, before I ever had a
multi-platinum sellin’ Cd, I was a baby, maybe I was just a couple of months, my faggot father
must have had his pantie’s up in a bunch, cause he split, I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye,
no I don’t on second thought, I just fuckin’ wished he would die, I look at Hailie and I
couldn’t picture leavin’ her side, even if I hated Kim, I grit my teeth and I’d try, to make it
work with her at least for Hailie’s sake, I maybe made some mistakes but i’m only human, but i’m
man enough to face them today, what I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb, but the smartest
shit I did was take them bullets out of that gun, cause id’a killed ’em, shit I would have shot
Kim and him both, it’s my life, i’d like to welcome y’all to the Eminem show…

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[CHORUS]

Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition, take a second to listen for you
think this record is dissin’, but put yourself in my position, just try to envision witnessin’
your Mama poppin’ prescription pills in the kitchen, bitchin’ that someone’s always goin’
through her purse and shits missin’, going through public housing systems, victim of
Munchausen’s syndrome, my whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn’t ’til I grew
up, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya’ stomach, doesn’t it, wasn’t it the reason you made
that Cd for me, ma, so you could try to justify the way you treated me, ma, but guess what, your
gettin’ older now and it’s cold when your lonely, and Nathan’s growing up so quick, he’s gonna
know that your phoney, and Hailie’s getting so big now, you should see her, she’s beautiful, but
you’ll never see her, she won’t even be at your funeral, see what hurts me the most is you won’t
admit you was wrong, bitch, do your song, keep tellin’ yourself that you was a mom, but how dare
you try to take what you didn’t help me to get, you selfish bitch, I hope you fuckin’ burn in
hell for this shit, remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me, well guess
what, I am dead, dead to you as can be…

[CHORUS]

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Eminem

Searchin’ – Eminem

(feat. Danaun Porter)
[Women Singing:]
Ain’t no one special, special like you (4X)
I been searching, but your the one I want in my life baby (4X)

[Verse 1: Eminem]
I’m reminiscing on your tenderness and the snuggling and teasing
Missing what I remember, kissing and hugging and squeezing
Bugging and weezing, I’m having trouble when breathing
It’s even tougher when sleeping
But there’s a couple of reasons that I’m suffering and grieving
For loving and leaving, you all I’m thinking of in the evening
You got my knees buckling and weakening
Thoughts of nothing but freaking that I’m struggling to keep in
And interrupt when I’m speaking
I got some game that I’m preparing to run
The way your lips sparkle and glare in the sun
You got your hair in a bun, no matter what you’re wearing you stun
Cause your comparing to none, I wanna share in the fun
I feel a passionate lust when I’m imagining just us alone at last with a
touch
I see you grasping to trust, but my intentions are good
The seed is passing in dust
I’m not asking to rush and answer immediately
I just wanna be there for you and you to be there for me
If you agree to repeat after me, I Love You (I love you baby)
Cause I just need you to see, how much I’m eager to be
Your man legally wed, your love’s keeping me fed
This is easily said, so you can lead or be led
If you care to be down cause ain’t nobody Like you no where to be found

READ  Bad Influence - Eminem

[Chorus:]
[Women Singing:]
I been searching, but your the one I want in my life baby (4X)

[Verse 2: Denaun Porter]
Baby it’s all on you, it’s you I call on boo
Let’s set a day up so you can fall on through
We’ll take a spin in a Lexus you can chill for dinner and breakfast
Long enough to see how this gentleman sex’es
We’ll start it out with caviar, Don Parigne
And then when it’s a fact we are warm, carry on
We’ll take it slow, see nobody will hurry things
I got the herbs the Bacardi and Hurricane
If Daiquiris are in debate and not your thing that day
It’s still all right cause I got Minute Maid and Tangeray
Your an incredible one that’s rare, in bed with edible underwear
You look impeccable, nothing compares
I dream of freaking you, the women that will speak it too so
It seems that there is not an end to things that we can do so
Now we all set to play, only thing left to say is
When you step away, baby but don’t forget the Neglicie

[Chorus:]
[Women Singing:]
I been searching, but your the one I want in my life baby (8X)
Ain’t no one special, special like you (2X)

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Eminem

Steve Berman (Skit) – Eminem

[Eminem] This muthafucka man…
[Berman] It’s ridiculous! I can’t believe it!! Hold on… Em…
[Eminem] What up?
[Berman] Have a seatDre, I’ll call you back
[Eminem] What now???
[Berman] I don’t even know where to start
[Eminem] Okay…
[Berman] I got the album from upstairs…
[Eminem] And…
[Berman] And this is BY FAR, THE MOST,…
[Gunshot]
Incredible thing… I’ve ever… heard…
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